I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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