My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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