I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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