She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
