SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He better not be in your backpack
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
