feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
