omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
