tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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