Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
