you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
