she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
