I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
