I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
