quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
