Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
