what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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