My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
