My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
