Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
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hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
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I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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