guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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