just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
either way he was missing a nipple.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
