I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
