she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
