I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
