Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
