she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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