every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
And then my night got REAL pukey
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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