I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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