There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
