I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
