and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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