Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
