FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
