so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
