remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
