don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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