I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
