How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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