that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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