I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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