I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Help. Why am I so naked?
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