youre lurking in front of me
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
