I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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