Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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