I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I am morally bankrupt
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
