there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
