The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
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eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
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Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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