please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
