my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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