I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
