I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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