okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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