I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
there is glitter all over my balls
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
