Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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