so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
