between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
