i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
