Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
