and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
