I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
