Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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