I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize