You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
