gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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