i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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