Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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